Friday, May 26, 2006

Three Things Every Husband Wants to Hear His Wife Say

I’ve started a series on the family that will cover all the family unit
relationships. The purpose is to encourage families and marriages to be even better than what they currently are. Not saying that they are bad but understanding that every successful marriage takes work and for every “happy ever after” there was a husband and wife who were willing to continue to make their marriage better.

There are three things that every husband wants to hear his say. It’s not an issue of respect, or lack there of, nor is it an issue of one gender being better than another. It’s simply an issue of loving your husband enough to say one of these three things to improve your marriage. I promise it will change your marriage for the better. So, here we go…

1 "You’re the man."

Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said,"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

This is your curse ladies! You may not like it but you can’t leave it. Adam and Eve messed up and it changed the world. It was Eve who took the fruit and passed it on to her husband and it was Adam, who was equally at fault, who did not protect his family.

Both were at fault and both had to suffer the consequences of their actions. For the man it would be working to earn and provide for his family. That is his charge. That is his responsibility. The worst thing a father can be to his family his lazy. Not only is he not fulfilling his obligations to his family but he is also modeling to his children what not to be as a husband and father.

A husband should be hard working and dedicated to the support of his family. I’m not saying that women shouldn’t and couldn’t work. I believe if a woman wants to work outside the home then they should be commended for their additional support to the family but it should also be their choice.

If it’s the man’s responsibility to be the family workforce then it’s the women’s responsibility to be the encouraging and supporting force. If your husband is working to support your family then I promise he wants your encouragement. He wants to know that you support him and are proud of him for what he does.

When the bible says to wives that their husbands will rule over them it is a challenge to the husbands rather a knock against the wives. It’s interpreted as highly disrespectful to women and women often look at a husband trying to be the family leader as the man withholding his love and not appreciating her advice.

God created men and women as equal partners but he also created your family with the man as the intended leader of the home. We believe in and trust the promises found in John 3:16, Eph. 2:8,9, Romans 10: 9-10, John 10:10....why do bug out when we read Eph. 5:22-23?

Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

We read the word "Submission" and we go "Ugh!" We don’t like to hear it, especially when a man says it to a woman. Husbands and wives are equals and they are partners but the man is intended to be a leader among equals.

I can see why women who don’t believe in God, Jesus, resurrection and forgiveness of sin would have trouble with Eph. 5.

But for the woman who believes....Ephesians 5:22 is simply God’s instruction to the woman just like Eph. 5:25 is God’s instruction to the man.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

I’ve always said that a wife who is loved and cherished by her husband will have no problem submitting to his leadership as the leader of the home. It’s alright ladies. Tell your husband he’s the man.

2 "Yes we can."

Here’s a surprise. Men and women are different. A woman’s need is to be appreciated and listened to. Experts say that a woman needs 8-10 nonsexual touches a day. Things like having her hand help, a hug or just simply having her husband’s arm around her.

Men on the other hand need sexual touch. Ladies, it’s not just your husband. All men were created that way.

It takes two to tango but only one not to tango. According to the bible husbands and wives have the duty to fulfill each other.

I Corinthians 7:3-4
[3] The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. [4] The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

Wives if you withhold your body because of revenge, punishment or manipulations you’re messing up biblically. The same thing goes for husbands.

3 Honey, I was wrong, will you forgive me?

Proverbs 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; 16 restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.

Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

This post is not meant as a knock against wives but rather as an encouragement. Trust me a post for husbands is coming soon. Ladies, it’s important that you don’t criticize your husband to other people and when you do point out his faults, do it privately and out of love.

Be willing to acknowledge when you have done wrong yourself and don’t be afraid to say you are sorry. Apologizing puts the ball in his court so to speak and puts the responsibility of resolution on his shoulders.

"Let the wife make her husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave." - Martin Luther


Tracy said...

#3, um, yeah. Never happens around here! :)

Cat said...

Very good post. I enjoyed reading it. It brings to light many things I have been taught.

BJ said...

So have you actually heard those things, or are you speaking generally and hinting to your hunnie? Just curious. :)

dolphinfan said...

That's a fair question bj. The answer is yes! I have been blessed with an amazing wife who not only loves me beyond reason but also does more than her share in keeping our marriage on the up and up.

Michelle Melvin said...

This information was a blessing! I do play the role of a quarrelsome wife a lot, and I was enlightened by this article to say just the shortest simplest things with a heart full of love and compassion, because it can make all the difference.

Anonymous said...

interestig read however i find it slightly patriarchal,though there are some good points =)

Anonymous said...

We talk this talk all the time but we need to walk it. I find it hard to do when I'm being disrespected or ignored or feel like I could soon be replaced reason why no response or interaction. I am one of those women that will turn the world over for him if he will treat me right but I feel like interfearances and constant negative remarks and reminders have finally turned his heart another way Maybe. He still looks at me sometimes and Iknow he loves me but it's like he's beeing told not to and that I'm not worthy of it or something, and I have done nothing wrong to him.

Anonymous said...

seriously, i think it sounds ridicuolus to an extent..

Anonymous said...

Well am about to marry a man that am head of heels in love with. thanks for the article it was enlightening i have compared ur points with what i belive and i do notice i fall short in a couple of ways, am hoping i'l straighten up as God helps me through the process.

Anonymous said...

Many people ask me what I do to make our marriage so succesful, so full of romance... I could never give an adequate answer. But after reading this....all I need to do is to direct their questions to this web page... My husband is the man!!! He is such a hard worker and still makes time for us. I completely submit to him... And in return he truly cherishes me. Simply because everything we do....from making dinner, to making always with wanting to please each other. It's complete selfless giving of each other to each other. It has been 25 years of a marriage built so strong on mutual respect and honor. Resulting in such deep Love, beyond anything I could ever have imagined!!

Anonymous said...

Good idea.Ladies, try it out. it works.

Anonymous said...

Never will this ever happen in my marriage. 13 years and will always be me following her lead because that is how she wanted it from day one. Following me is scandalous to her because she was raised that way. The woman ruled and the man was good for whatever she allowed him to be good for

Anonymous said...

Not going to happen! Married 45 years and we don't talk, sleep or live on the same level of the house. He eats sleeps in the basement and I have the upper level.

Raquel Agosto said...

Wow! You both should have play night :) were he & you could get together. Leave all past hurts in the past. You should leave him a note saying lets spend some time together. It can be for lunch, dinner or just tea & crackers. Charish some moments for the good of living!!!!